Barely Breathing
by KlissmeQuick
Summary: Years of trying to be perfect have caught up on Blaine Anderson, after being beaten at the Sadie Hawkins dance, he strives to be stronger so he can defend himself next time, but to what cost? It's not until he takes Kurt under his wing and into his life does someone begin to notice he is not okay. Trigger for Eating disorder and other Mental Health issues.
1. Prologue

**Introduction**

It was a year ago when it happened. He had only been a freshman, over confident and over comfortable in who he was – that was what _they _thought anyway. Sadie Hawkins; the dance where the girls ask the guys. In Blaine's school, there were only two guys brave (or maybe naïve) enough to come out, one of them being Blaine himself. He was pretty sure no girl would ask him out, he wasn't bad looking but that school was not the most gay-friendly school in Ohio so any girl with him was bound to get ridiculed. He and the other guy decided to go together, trying to make some kind of statement about how they would not be beaten.

When he took Jamie to the dance, they received a lot of jeers, many people asking who was the girl and asked the other to the dance. It was a joint decision, both guys wanted to go even if they didn't like each other in that way. They had joined forces because no one else would want to be there with them. They had been so stubborn, ignoring the advice of their loved ones, warning them of what was bound to happen. The benefit of hindsight was, he knew they were right for what they said because that night ended up being the worst night of his life at least.

It took him months to recover enough that he didn't have to visit the hospital periodically. He was mentally shaken, still, and his parents had to think hard about how they were going to help their son. It was during his recovery that they decided to send him to Dalton, they had enough savings for the tuition and it would be too hard to keep up the payments if they took a few extra hours at work. Dalton had a strict zero tolerance on bullying, exactly the security Blaine needed to become the boy he had been before that night. Blaine wasn't aware of anything at this point, he was spending most of his time closed off in his bedroom.

At first, he just lay in the dark with music playing to fill the silence. He thought of Jamie, no one would tell him how Jamie was… did that mean? He was only fourteen years old and his parents were trying to keep him focussed on his recovery and they knew Blaine had yet to gain a true grasp of the world. People had teased him relentlessly beforehand, but they had just been words that he had easily shrugged off and ignored but that night… he could have died just for being who he was.

He didn't eat anything that first week; truth was he wasn't sure if his body worked properly anymore, he felt like everything was broken, he wasn't even sure he had truly survived the attack. Looking back, it must have been serious because his brother, Cooper, had travelled home from California to spend time with him and not once did he ridicule anything – then again there was no way Blaine was going to perform in that state. Cooper ended up lifting him out of bed and showering him and dressing him. Blaine had been so limp in his hands as Cooper buttoned up his shirt and blazer then tied his tie. Cooper escorted him to the school and around it. He made Blaine feel a bit safer, reassuring him when guys approached they were greeting him, not coming to hurt him. In the end, it doesn't like long to see that the Dalton boys were genuine and caring.

He's happier at school, happiest when in he was with the Warblers singing, his mind completely off the attack. He hates when he goes home. Nine times out of ten the house is empty and quiet. There's usually a post it note stuck to the fridge, telling him where to find the food and how to cook it. With a sigh he pulls it off, crumpling it in his hand and just leaves the kitchen. As he goes up the stairs to his room, he loosens his tie.

When he reaches his bedroom, he closes and locks his door. He pulls across the curtain and opens his cupboard, revealing a full length mirror. First, he steps out of his trousers then shrugs off the blazer. He unbuttons his shirt and lets it fall to the floor. Then he stares. He notices the scars, the bruising from the attack. His eyes go over his thin arms and then his hands go over his stomach which has no shape or form.

_You disgust me_

The thought takes over him like a virus and he feels physically sick. No wonder those guys picked on him. But it will be okay, he will be stronger, fitter, _better. _He just had to work hard. It wasn't much different to his life already. Cooper had already pushed him to improve himself and now he had to move from his performing to his body. It can't be much more work than he was already doing.

Ever since that night, Blaine has kept to a strict schedule, adding and taking when more and more was expected of him.

5am – 6am

Wake up, go for a jog until 5.45 then shower till 6.

6 am – 7am

Dry hair, pick out clothes and dress, gel hair

7 am - 8 am

Breakfast Practise Scales, Arpeggios whilst packing books for school

8 am – 9am

Go to school

9 - 12

Morning Classes

12-1

Lunchtime Rehearsal with Nick and Jeff

1-3

Afternoon classes

3-5

Rehearsal with the Warblers.

5-6

Boxing Practise

6-8

Homework

8-9

Dinner, TV, bed.


	2. Teenage Dream

**Chapter one: Teenage Dream**

_Beep. Beep. Beep. _

It took Blaine less than a second to shut off his alarm. He had, in fact, been awake for almost an hour, just staring at the clock. After he had turned the alarm off, he jumped from the bed and grabbed his jogging gear that he had left out on his chair the night before – a pair of shorts and a tank top and trainers. Blaine picked up his iPod, locating the playlist he made for his jog whilst throwing on his clothes and then headed out. He had been jogging for over a year now and it was only natural for him to have gotten quicker to get ready. There was no real need for the alarm as Blaine's body became accustomed to waking up early, but Blaine liked the security of the routine, and would never get out of bed before the alarm would go off.

The run took him forty-five minutes, he would completely zone out now, knowing the routine like the back of his hand. Now and then, he was awakened as a car may suddenly appear, but he had grown accustomed to seeing in the dim lighting of Westerville. At first, he had been scared, worrying about seeing the guys who had landed him in hospital, but now he was ready for them. His boxing made him feel more prepared, though he would never start the fight. His running made him more agile and his brain worked better. At least that's what he told himself. He wasn't fully paying attention to his body, no longer making time for food his brain was struggling on few nutrients, the fresh air and Blaine's stubbornness kept it going enough to get through the school day. That and energy drinks but he was trying to cut back after he read the label and saw the amount of calories.

When he turned back into his driveway he slowed down, getting out his key and letting himself in. The trainers would be left at the bottom of the stairs as he moved up to the bathroom, where he had already had a towel and his underwear ready to change into just in case his father had an early shift and caught him rushing from the bathroom to his bedroom. He stepped into the shower, first starting with warm water to wash into his skin, humming quietly to himself, as he made sure everything was clean. He focussed on his hair, knowing he had to treat it well to make up for the gelling he put it through. Sometimes he would also shave but he wasn't someone who frequently needed to shave and today was a day when he didn't have to. He ended the shower by turning it cold. He had started doing this about six months ago, having found the warm shower negated the effect of the run. His body was startled awake again and at 5.59 he turned off the shower and stepped out, wrapping the towel around himself.

He dried himself off, moving into his uniform slowly. He had to towel dry his hair because his parents would kill him for using a hairdryer this early. Their work patterns were erratic and unpredictable; sometimes they were out all night and had to sleep for a few hours before working again the next day. He wished he saw them more, but he understood why he couldn't. His hair was then gelled with a side parting, he was proud of the school he went to and he was going to make sure he always looked proper to reflect that of the school. He brushed down his blazer, his eyes on himself in the mirror. He smiled softly, the navy and red made him feel comfortable, though he still couldn't help but see how his arms still didn't have enough muscle in them, how his stomach seemed to be pressed against his waistband. He shook himself, closing the closet door and he moved down the stairs, tidying his shoes away and putting his jogging stuff in the wash.

His timetable was on the fridge and he collected the right books from the study, humming his scales that he needed for the songs they were playing today. As impromptu as their performance seemed, they had already prepared what song and he wasn't going to let the fact it was supposed to be a surprise stop him from practising. He packed some water into his bag; he drank a few bottles just to keep his throat from getting dry and affecting his voice. He slipped in his boxing things ready for his training straight after school and then he glanced at the time. He was getting quicker in preparing for the day and his schedule shifted to the point he had to fill the time with something else before he left for school. Today he filled that time with catching up on some reading he had neglected, sat on the window seat with his shoes on as he waited for his alarm on his watch the sound to signal the time he left for school.

He was driven in by Wes, who put on their favourite radio station and they sang on the way, some of the other Warblers with him who couldn't drive themselves. Blaine had always felt more secure with older people, safer, in the Warblers he wasn't just a sophomore, and his age didn't bother them, only his talent and personality. He was happy with them because they respected him and, honestly, he loved that many admired him. But it took a lot of work to be admired, to be this good. Sometimes he was aware he was tired, but rather than deal with it, he would knock back another energy drink or go hang out with the Warblers because they always gave him a burst of energy. Unfortunately he couldn't break into song in the middle of English or history that morning, as much as the Warblers were the 'Rock stars' of Dalton, they still had to study. But just after morning break, they were due their impromptu performance.

Blaine counted his steps from the classroom, humming the tune preparing himself for the performance as he moved past the stairs and then he heard an unfamiliar voice, "_Oh, excuse me. Um, hi. Can I ask you a question? I'm new here." _It was a light, higher voice, not quite enough to mistake for a female but close. Blaine lost count as he turned to look to the man and then he paused, taking him in. This was not what he expected today. He paused, swallowing,  
"My name's Blaine." He said, giving a warm smile. He knew what it was like to be new, how the halls and all the guys could seem daunting. The conversation was rushed as Blaine was running late. Without thinking, he took his hand and led Kurt the short way to the choir room. Kurt seemed anxious, worrying about not fitting in. Blaine tried to ease it, joking about the absence of his blazer but then the rest of the group started the tune and he couldn't hang around when he was singing the lead vocals.

It was soon apparent that Kurt wasn't a member of the school but a spy for the New Directions in McKinley. Blaine couldn't help but feel sorry for Kurt and he wanted to help him; something about him reminded him of himself and it soon came apparent when Wes, David, Blaine and Kurt sat down for coffee to sort things out. Kurt got emotional and it broke Blaine's heart, reminding him of his last school, the fight and everything but this was his time to show how he had moved on so Kurt knew he could move on too. He asked for room, wanting to talk to Kurt alone. Blaine had always regretted that he had ran, even when the choice was made for him. Sometimes, even now, he sat in front of his old school whilst he knew everyone was studying, wanting to go in there and prove what he had become. But he was too scared, he didn't want Kurt to have the same regrets as him, even if he was older.

Sending Kurt away was hard and plagued on Blaine's mind for the rest of the day. For all he knew, he would never see the teenager again; the boy could end up like him or succeed in fighting his bully. He had given Kurt his number, just in case. He didn't know if the boy was going to use it, he just wanted to be given the chance to be there for someone as he wished he had someone there for him. Jamie had been the only other gay guy in his school, barely older than himself and they did very little to really help each other. The rest of the day soon slotted back into place, he practised with the Warblers after school, though still checking his phone to see if Kurt had contacted him. When he got home, he went straight for his books, muscles aching from the boxing. It was harder to focus than normal, Blaine's energy low. He only noticed now that he hadn't eaten anything today, but that just made him smile, he was bound to have lost weight.

Blaine didn't realise that losing weight didn't automatically mean he was getting fitter. He wasn't consciously aware that he was starving his body and muscles couldn't form because he was taking all the energy he could from what he had just to keep his body going. It had become an obsession, first it had been to have a healthy diet to train, but soon he was left to his own devices and food was replaced with more training and work to the point he barely ate once a day. His parents barely saw him, unable to control what their son was eating. At Dalton, he did get a few hints to eat more that he would say he ate a large breakfast or eats only at home. Anorexia wasn't really something people associated with boys and as much as his friends wanted to help, they weren't sure if it was what they thought.

It was during his lunch time rehearsals a few days later that Blaine heard from Kurt. He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and he excused himself to answer the phone. Kurt sounded distressed, hurt and Blaine didn't even hesitate in travelling to Lima to see him the next day. He was told about how Kurt's bully had kissed him and Blaine listened as Kurt talked quickly, leading the way before he faced Karofsky. The guy was bigger than Blaine envisioned, he tried to be reasonable, and as much as he wanted to prove himself, he was better than them. When Karofsky pushed him again the gate, Blaine saw a flash of a memory. He held his hands up, taking a deep breath to show he wasn't going to fight back before he was left feeling a little downhearted.

"Well, he won't be coming out anytime soon," he commented, feeling his heart race before he realised Kurt had gone pale, moving to sit down. Kurt seemed so small, Blaine was so ashamed to admit that it made him feel good, to be the one protecting rather than protected as he moved beside him. He sighed, hearing how it had been Kurt's first and he squeezed his knee, offering him lunch to cheer him up. Kurt was so distressed at that point, he didn't really pay attention to the fact Blaine just had a coffee and never touched the sandwich he had bought. Kurt barely ate himself, shaken by the events of the day and he just needed someone to listen because the school didn't seem to care. When Blaine got home that night, he skipped the homework and just fell into his bed, his phone left on just in case Kurt needed him. He hated what the boy was going through but he loved being needed and now he had something else to drive him to improve himself.


	3. Forget you

**Chapter two: Forget You**

_**Don't be so stupid. Why would Kurt be into you? You didn't fight back when Karofsky pinned you against the fence. You still have a chubby face, pudgy tummy and your arms may as well be matchsticks. Just **_**look**___**at Kurt, I bet he's never had to diet in his life. He looks amazing and he wouldn't ever lower himself to a pathetic boy who ran from the bullies.**_

Blaine pulled the covers up closer, muttering under his breath, his eyes stinging with tears but he refused to cry. The voices had been getting worse... the thoughts in his head just made him crumble up inside. It had been a week since he had met Kurt, they texted every day and things were starting to look up... but of course there was no such thing as a real good day. Today he had gone with Kurt to the Lima Bean and succumbed to a cake Kurt insisted he share with him. He had _lost control. _As soon as the cake settled in his stomach, Blaine felt nauseous. He could barely breathe as he realised what he had actually done to the point he had to _excuse himself _from the table.

_**Why would Kurt want to be with someone who has no self-control when eating a cake? There were no STOPPING you once you had that bite. He wants a real man, with muscles and not a boy who loves to scoff his face with cake. **_

"IT WAS ONE BITE!" Blaine suddenly shouted out loud into the night, though no one was there to hear him. His mom and dad were out of town on business, with plenty of food in the fridge for him. They never seemed to wonder why the food kept going out of date before Blaine got to it. He had prepared lies about eating with friends but they never asked. They didn't care. Their son didn't get attention unless he did something perfect... right?

_**Blaine, who are you kidding? You will NEVER be the son they want, or the boyfriend Kurt wants unless you actually gain some control and some muscle. You know you only trained for 58 minutes instead of an hour today? You are slacking, Anderson, nobody got anywhere by slacking. **_

He ducked his head under the covers, his body shaking. It had been several hours since he had gotten home from the Lima Bean. He had blasted out music to try and drown out the thoughts that invaded his head but there was no escaping him. He tried to fit in everything he had missed from the meeting with Kurt but he had fallen behind. He trembled and licked his lips, trying to sound sincere as he spoke aloud once more, "I'll train twice as long tomorrow... I'll skip dinner... That should make up for it.

_**Don't let yourself down again, Anderson. **_

Sunday, usually the day of rest, but not for Blaine. After a traumatic night of only an hour sleep, he downed an energy drink in the morning before taking his run. Today, his run went to two hours, his body ached all over and he could barely breathe. _But it still wasn't good enough. _He sat down in the shower, massaging his aching limbs, trying to feel if there was muscle there but there were none. He spent longer in the shower, not wanting to leave the soothing hot water but he had more to do today. Once he was dressed - in a baggy t-shirt that once belonged to Cooper and some sweatpants - he locked himself in his room with some music and sang. He had his cupboard door open, trying to use the mirror as a reference for his movements, but he kept getting distracted. His movements seemed too jagged, his smile creepy. He then couldn't help but feel like his legs were too short. That the once baggy t-shirt seemed to stretch over his stomach.

He growled, closing his eyes and he stopped the song and closed the cupboard door. The image was seared into his skull and he couldn't help but look down at himself. He was starting to see the thoughts had been right. Ever since meeting Kurt, Blaine had made allowances in his timetable so he could be the hero for Kurt, but at what cost? He must be putting on weight, slacking in strength. This was the first day he started to weigh himself. He went through all his drawers, picking out a notebook he had gotten one Christmas and opened it to the first page, writing the date "_November 7th 2010" _and he stood by his door frame and ran a pencil just over the top of his head and he measured how tall he was and scribbled that down "_171 cm." _Then, he went into the bathroom.

He had never weight himself before, but he had seen his mother weigh herself a few times, comment that she needed to go on a diet but never really do much with it. Blaine pulled out the scales from the cupboard and set them on the floor. His eyes glared at the dial, taking a deep breath before he stood on the scale. To him, it felt like the arrow took forever to stop on a number. It took him a moment to gain the strength to look closer and he swallowed as he read it. He put the scales away quickly and moved to his room, adding the number beside the rest _"53 kg." _He stared at the numbers, debating them, trying to work out how he felt about the number he had written last. Beneath he started writing something else, _"Target for next week, 50 kg." _and then he paused once more, then bit his lip "_50kg_ _47kg" _

He closed the book and set it beside his bed before he turned the music back on. This time, he didn't use the mirror and instead focussed on his voice. Ever since he was small, Blaine had loved to sing. There was something about the freedom it gave him, there were lyrics that fit him perfectly and he loved releasing tension or any emotion into song. It had begun to lose that, somehow, not it was about being good enough for his brother, for his parents and for the Warblers. His love for singing became work, practising as much as he could. He had even taught himself piano so he could sing alongside his own playing, making his voice match the tone and pitch of each note. Perfectionism didn't cover what Blaine felt when it came to his singing. No matter was praise he got from others, or what solos he was given... every time he sung he wanted it to be better than the last and it was never good enough for him.

The next day, Blaine was in the middle of class when his phone buzzed in his pocket. Slyly, he slipped it out and glanced at the message under the table. It was from Kurt, asking to meet at Breadstix with his friend, Mercedes, that night. At first, Blaine smiled, slipping the phone away before the teacher caught him. Sure there was a friend there but didn't that mean he wanted Blaine to meet his other friends before they tried…?_**Don't be so stupid. Besides, you have training tonight, no time for 'breadstix'**__. _He sighed as the thoughts came back, his knee beginning to bounce on the spot as he grew anxious. He tried to fight his thoughts mentally, but it was so much harder than he could imagine. His inner voice was drowned out and soon, it was silenced. At break, Blaine sent back his reply, apologising and saying he has plans. He turned his phone off, not sure he could handle the thought of what Kurt may say. He felt like a horrible person and despite doing what the thoughts wanted, it wasn't good enough. _**He could never want someone like you so don't bother feeling guilty. Now come on you have practising to do!**_

There was no freedom, no silence. There was no escape from the thoughts that plagued him. They ran around his head all day, distracting him from all aspects and then criticising him for not doing anything right when he couldn't with them around his head. When he got home, he turned his phone back on, receiving a few messages from Kurt.  
_Aw, that's too bad, another time then? X  
Blaine? Are you okay? X  
Was it something I said? X  
_Blaine groaned, the guilt almost overwhelming him at the thought Kurt felt guilty. He wanted to text back, telling him it was nothing he did. The day just got busy, his phone died… anything to relieve the guy who was having so many problems at school but his hand just wouldn't respond to his brain. Then, the phone rang. Blaine didn't even think about checking who it was before he picked up,  
"Kurt? Hi I'm sorry I-"  
"Erm, squirt? It's Coop," his brother's voice replied, before there was a paused and then his brother spoke again and Blaine could almost _hear _the smirk on his lips, "So… who's Kurt?" Blaine felt his cheeks redden,  
"Just… a friend… Hey Coop… why are you calling?" he asked, trying to keep his voice casual. Cooper chuckled but amused Blaine,  
"Well, I know Mom and Dad aren't there so I wanted to check up on you. Clothes clean, tummy full?" he asked. Blaine didn't hear the emphasis on the second part of the question,  
"Of course." Blaine answered dismissively, "I'm fifteen and I'm at Dalton, I can take care of myself for a few days. Mom and dad left a lot of food. I'm set," he said. Cooper seemed to hesitate,  
"Alright. Hey, I'll be coming up over Christmas – excited?" he asked, probably trying to make the conversation more upbeat,  
"Urgh no." Blaine said before he chuckled, "Of course, Coop, why wouldn't I be?"  
"Good question, I have no idea." Cooper chuckled softly. As annoying as Cooper was, it was nice to hear his voice. Heck, it was nice to know he was thinking of him, even if he was worrying he couldn't look after himself. He wondered if Cooper thought he was weak, too. Maybe the thoughts weren't so wrong. After the phone call, Blaine laid back on his bed and gazed up at the ceiling, wondering when people would really start believing in him.

Kurt called him again the next day, and Blaine didn't have it in him to cancel on him again. He shunned the voices away long enough to reply that he was coming before he was plagued by them for being weak, for giving into temptation. It was at the middle of 'lunch' when he was rehearsing with Nick and Jeff, who had stopped to eat their sandwiches and Blaine just moved to his phone. He didn't notice how the guys exchanged looks behind his back, they had confronted him enough times about his lack of eating and had always got the same response "I eat loads when I'm at home" which was supposed to be enough to satisfy them. With anyone else, it would, but there was no way Blaine ate enough from what they saw. They always managed to drop the concern and just smile when Blaine turned back around. They never knew how to approach him about it, they didn't understand how they could bring up such a topic,  
"Right, ready to go over the song again?" Blaine asked, his smile forcefully energetic, trying to hide the anxiety inside of him as he disobeyed one of his own rules. He kept trying to tell himself he was going to be there for Kurt, because Kurt made him feel needed. And if he kept seeing him, he would have more urge to be stronger, right? _**Don't be so daft. He will just distract you from your training. You'll neglect yourself and he'll soon see how disgusting you really are and then you will be a bigger loser than before. **_


	4. Just the Way You Are

**Chapter three: Just the way you are**

Life at McKinley had never been easy, even before he came out a lot of people already just seemed to know and went out of their way to make his life a living hell. None more so than Dave Karofsky. Whether it was a slushy in his face (and all over his designer outfits) or shoving him against the locker, there was always something Kurt could look forward to when he went to school. The pushes had gotten harder since he came out, sometimes leaving his back and sides bruised alongside his ego. It wasn't any easier in class, he was expected to fit in with the guys when he was better with the girls, Glee club was no exception. As much as he knew Schuester wasn't trying to upset him, he couldn't see why he had to do something he didn't want to do in a place where he was supposed to be able to be himself. He thought that was how things are, how he should accept things. But then one day, he went to Dalton.

It was during the task of the girls versus boys and he was trying to give his best ideas to the group of what they could sing but all the others thought about where the competition for regionals. Most of the other guys in glee were jocks and it was clear that he was going to be the one to have to spy on the opposition, though he didn't want to and that's how he ended up in Dalton to find the Warblers. Instantly, there was a different vibe, there was excitement in the air, people were moving quickly through corridors and any bumps were apologised for. The uniform made everyone equal and Kurt felt he stuck out like a sore thumb without a blazer. The building itself showed it was cared for and Kurt couldn't help but feel hope. And that hope only grew when the guy he asked for directions was so nice to him.

Blaine Anderson, as Kurt soon found out his name was, simply took his hand and led him to the action. The Warblers were like rock stars. It was strange, Kurt could see everyone so excited and so supportive of the glee club – he knew at McKinley the Warblers would probably be an even bigger laughing stock than they themselves are. Kurt listened to them all but he had only eyes for Blaine, the guy who restored his faith in humanity. He saw only his eyes at first, the warm hazel eyes that just sucked him in but then he began to notice the defined cheekbones, the way his blazer seemed too big for him. The way his hair seemed thin amongst the gel, the worry behind his eyes. Kurt took in a deep breath as he watched, not sure if he had any place to say anything but he wasn't going to see these people again. But then, he didn't think he would be caught out as being a spy and taken for coffee.

It had been a long day and Kurt couldn't help but leave feeling embarrassed that he had broken in front of those boys at coffee – how sad was that? His tears seemed to flow as he spoke to Blaine about David, about being at a school where he couldn't fit in. As frail as the boy opposite seemed to be physically, mentally the boy seemed secure – or was that obsession? Blaine told him to keep his head up, to stay strong. The regret was thick in his voice and Kurt found it hard to look away as Blaine hooked him into feeling like he could keep fighting. He didn't want to regret anything like Blaine did. But once he got back to school, it was a lot harder to take the advice, even with the text messages of 'courage' alongside the times he and Blaine hung out as friends. Because no matter what, Blaine couldn't be there to protect him, especially when his life was at stake. He had yet to tell anyone that Karofsky had threatened him, but it hung over him every second he was in that building.

It had started off as a nice day, he had been commandeered at his locker by his father and Carole, Burt's girlfriend, and forced to lead them to Finn's locker. With Burt attached to one side and Carole to the other, he moved through the hallways, a smile on his face and twists in his stomach. Something exciting was going to happen, he had never seen his father smile so much and he knew it was going to be something great. Because of where Carole's hand was, he hadn't noticed the ring she then showed to both her son and Kurt,

"Oh my god!" Kurt exclaimed, reaching to see the ring, his heart leaping, his smile wide as he admired the ring as his father tried to explain how he had proposed when all Kurt could think of was how his father had never been this happy, how life was going to get better. Whilst Carole was never going to replace his mom, Carole was going to fill a void in their home. He hoped Finn would let his father in more as well, they both needed another influence and life could be better for them. Not only that, but he had a wedding to plan!

There was an itinerary he had to pull together, finding time to teach both his father and his soon-to-be-step-brother to dance, and working out how much glitter he had to feed the doves in order to prevent a mess. His head was so full of wedding stuff, he was almost absent to his fears and it was a good feeling, it helped to have Blaine's face on the inside of his locker above the word 'Courage'… a reminder whenever he nipped to his locker that if Karofsky was going to come by… he could be brave. But as prepared as he felt, as much as he knew Blaine was right about the courage… he still wasn't ready. Karofsky took him by surprise as he admired the little figures. In his head, he was thinking of the wedding, how the union was going to be happy and he couldn't help but think of his mother. She would probably be happy that Burt finally let himself be happy. But Karofsky's eyes…

No words needed to be spoken. No sound needed to erupt from Karofsky for Kurt to be afraid. That stare paralysed Kurt. He spoke, his voice feeble as he tried to assert, "I don't want you anywhere near me." At that moment, he had never felt so pathetic and weak, despite the fact he could see the word courage out of his peripheral vision. Karofsky took the figures, the ornaments. To Kurt, that symbolised that the jock was never going to let him be happy. He took away the source of his happiness at this moment. The wedding had been something he looked forward to and now he was reminded that that was gone…

"Are you alright, Kurt?" came Mr Schuester's voice. There was concern there, Kurt nodded, not in the mood to snap, "Let's get you to the principals office." Kurt wanted to say that he wanted to talk to Blaine. He ought to make a phone call. Blaine had been through this… and he needed his advice. Whatever was up with Blaine, Kurt will get to the bottom of it, but right now… he just needed to hear that he will survive through this. But instead he had to sit and be called Lady by Sue and told there was nothing she could do.

"So he told you he was going to kill you, invades your privacy, takes your things and she did nothing?" Blaine's disbelief mirrored his own. His voice shaky,  
"Yeah… basically… Blaine have you eaten anything today?" he found himself asking, biting his lip.  
"What? Yes, of course… what's that got to do with anything? You're the one in trouble!" he exclaimed and then there was a pause, "Sorry… it just really annoys me that this stuff still goes on…"  
"It's okay… If only my dad could afford to enrol me into Dalton…" Kurt sighed, leaning back against his headboard, eyes gazing over the many fabrics in a variety of colors, sketches of the hall over his bed. He had tried to distract himself with wedding planning but he couldn't, not with what had happened with Karofsky and then Sue, "I mean… the glee club want to help… the football players are trying to tell Karofsky to back off which is great but…" he sighed, "This isn't their battle and it just makes me look weak." Blaine seemed to hesitate,  
"I know I said you shouldn't run… but Kurt there's no point in fighting if you're going to get yourself seriously hurt. He threatened to kill you and… you shouldn't force yourself through this or suffer alone. Have you told anyone else he threatened to kill you?" Kurt didn't answer and Blaine knew, "You… you need to tell someone… your dad at least… he should know." Kurt closed his eyes,  
"His heart is weak… I can't put him through that and it's his wedding coming up and…" he sighed, "He deserves to be happy. I've caused him enough trouble over the years." Blaine had nothing to say to that.

It didn't matter anyway, Burt found out for himself the next day when Kurt was teaching him and Finn how to dance. It had been a blur, one second he was trying to get Finn in the right position for the dance moves, the next he was chasing his father down the hall. He couldn't believe what was going on, he just wanted everyone to be happy. Karofsky was his problem. So when his father turned on Finn, he felt a surge of guilt but he had nothing to say to him, he just bit his lip and turned to follow his father, ending up once again in Sue's office, this time with his father, David and Mr Karofsky.

"They expelled him! About time!" Blaine sounded happy, it was enough to make Kurt chuckle softly to himself. He was wrapped up in bed, getting an early night before the wedding the next day,  
"Mhmm." He said, "I'm so relieved… and I'm glad its now. The last thing I need is for that to be on my head during my father's big day." Kurt sighed happily. He liked these moments, listening to Blaine talk about nothing and falling asleep. Blaine made him feel safe and now that Karofsky was gone, Kurt could be in a better place to help Blaine with his problems, "I wish you could come…" he muttered sleepily,  
"I know, Kurt, but I wouldn't really know anyone and it's not fair on your dad." Blaine explained and Kurt murmured. With a chuckle, Blaine spoke softly, "Good night Kurt."  
"G'night…"

The wedding was beautiful, nothing else mattered more than his father and his happiness. As the glee club sang, Kurt couldn't help but sneak glances at Finn and then his father, wanting them to see it was okay and his father shouldn't be mad at Finn. Everything worked itself out and Finn had done the right thing. But no one was thinking about it and he enjoyed himself, tears forming as he listened to their vows. He felt his heart grow as Carole spoke of gaining two men, knowing his mother would have loved her, no one else would have been better suited for Kurt and Burt. He glanced at Finn, hoping everything that had happened in the past, the crush, Karofsky, was going to stay in the past now they had this future ahead of them. He wished Blaine was there, he was the only friend missing but he understood… and maybe the thought of the buffet was too much for him.

He was just going to think of how he was going to change things around the house during Burt and Carole's honeymoon (something he had wanted to do for so long but knew his father was against doing) when he was invited to Sue's office and told that Karofsky was coming back. His stomach dropped, twisted and ached as he tried to digest this news. As Sue spoke, all he could think was how he was never going to get free of Karofsky. And after being expelled, he was sure to come back as terrible as ever.  
"Kurt, hold on," Burt said as Kurt turned to prepare for his last day of safety, "I heard you on the phone… before the wedding… and Carole and I spoke about it…" he sighed, "We've decided we don't need a honeymoon… and we would be far happier using that money to send you somewhere you'd be safe…"  
"You… don't mean?" Kurt breathed in disbelief. Burt nodded with a small smile, his arm going around Carole's shoulders,  
"Yes… we're enrolling you into Dalton academy… you start on Monday."


	5. I went and let you blow my mind

**Chapter four: I went and let you blow my mind**

When Blaine heard from Kurt that he was joining Dalton, he was so happy for him. As much as he had wanted Kurt to stand up like he hadn't, it was beginning to sound like it had for him. The last thing he wanted was for Kurt to get himself hurt to prove a point. He often wondered if they should have both acted less proud, it ended in pain for them both, but he wasn't going to let the ghosts of his past haunt him any longer. He told all the Warblers the news that they were getting a new member, the guy who had failed at spying on them. So, when Kurt arrived, he was welcomed with open arms. Now it was Blaine's turn to welcome a lost soul into the security of Dalton Academy – and he took that job seriously.

He prepared a tour he was going to give him, made sure the Warblers had Pavarotti ready for him. He arrived at Dalton an hour early, sitting with Pavarotti and making sure his cage was clean and he was happy before Kurt got him. He wondered how Kurt was feeling right now, probably still getting ready. He could remember how unsure he had been on his first day. Many schools promised security and happy students but never delivered, he just hoped Kurt was assured by the conversation they had on the phone the night before. Kurt had called him originally talking about the uniform and if he could add any of his own touches to it. It concerned Blaine slightly, how Kurt was adamant to stand out but he made sure not to shoot the guy down, telling him he can wear his brooch – then the conversation changed. They had spoken all night and Blaine had found it hard to pull himself out of bed for his run that morning.

For the past few weeks, Blaine had noted some changes in himself, though he turned them away. He noted how his body ached for a lot longer after a workout than before and he couldn't keep himself awake as long as he used to. He was aware of the looks his fellow students gave him sometimes when he struggled to come up with an answer in class or when he had to stop in the corridors and lean against the wall. He kept excusing the behaviour on something he had eaten, or that it was too hot in the corridors. He was starting to get people worried but he tried to assure them – that was the least he could do. He didn't know how worried some people were. He didn't realise that Wes and the other Warblers were hoping that having Kurt nearby would help encourage Blaine to seek help.

It was nice to see the smile on Kurt's face when he opened the door, Blaine smiled and stepped aside as the Warblers greeted Kurt. It had been a long day and Blaine perched himself on the edge of the couch, watching as everyone greeted Kurt, seeing the smile on Kurt's face as he realised he was truly welcome here. Wes called everyone to order with "And now let's welcome the newest addition to the Warblers, Kurt Hummel." Blaine smiled, looking to Wes as he relived his first day here, when Wes referred to the 'real Warbler',  
"Kurt, meet Pavarotti" he said, Blaine stood up and moved to the cage where Pavarotti was preening himself and he smiled, waiting for his cue until he brought the cage over to Kurt. Kurt seemed a little awkward and then spoke,  
"Hey I'll bring him to work with me. Weekends I volunteer at a stray cat rescue. It's at the bottom of a coal mine." Blaine closed his eyes, hearing the silence before Kurt tried to take it back, "That was a joke, I-I don't work at a coal mine." Blaine could see Kurt losing the high through the day, he found it hard to pay attention to much else. He saw how Kurt deflated during the meeting and he frowned. There was no way he was going to let Kurt be miserable.

"Hey Kurt, Wait up!" Blaine had tried to catch him straight after but he couldn't slip through the crowd quick enough and had to meet him on the stairs. He leaned against the railing as he looked to him, "I saw that Glee Club was hard for you today, seeing your idea shot down like that…" He gave him a warm smile, trying to reassure him,  
"It's just a different energy in there. Not better or worse, just something I'll have to get used to." Kurt shrugged, trying to seem like he was okay but Blaine knew that move well enough by now. He gave a small smile and put a hand on his arm,  
"We recognize that and we have a tradition at this school of rewarding a student with a good attitude, so we'd like to invite you to audition for a solo." He grinned, showing his teeth as he tried to gain some life and he got it as Kurt brightened up,  
"For sectionals?" he asked, his eyes lit up, hope over his features and Blaine grinned,  
"For sectionals. Sing something good" he said, flashing a wink as he moved down the stairs. Getting that smile from Kurt invigorated him and he felt his energy peak back up as he moved to his next class.

Kurt had called them all around for his audition a few days after. He had told Blaine about visiting Rachel and Blaine was happy he still had those friends. He didn't have any friends back in his old school, how would things have been different? If he had had more than Jamie, would he have been saved from that? Would he still be there? He sighed as he settled himself onto the chair, finding himself nervous for Kurt, he wanted him to do well and he knew he could do well but he had to show the rest of the Warblers that. When the music started, Blaine bit his lip as he recognised it. _Don't Cry for Me Argentina. _Blaine could see the song meant a lot, he had to gesture to Kurt a few times that he was getting too into it… As the Warblers discussed it afterwards, he knew what everyone was going to say. He didn't want to be the one to give the bad news to Kurt but he was sent out to face Kurt, alongside Nick and Jeff.  
"Hey guys. Nick, Jeff, congrats you're moving on." He said, looking to them, smiling. He diverted his eyes from Kurt for now as he congratulated them before taking a deep breath and allowing his eyes to fall on Kurt as he spoke,  
"Any sage advice?" the older male asked and Blaine sighed, sitting beside him,  
"Don't try so hard next time." Blaine said, giving his knee a squeeze to assure him. It was hard for Kurt, he could sense that and he was trying his best to assure him.

With rehearsals increasing as sectional approached, he barely had time to speak to Kurt alone. He found it a lot easier to put him off and put food off as he obsessed over rehearsing for the show. He didn't really get a moment with him until the day of sectionals. Blaine was preparing for the show and Wes tried to assemble everyone together,  
"Where's Kurt?" he asked, looking around. Blaine took a quick sweep around,  
"I'll go look for him, he's probably gone to talk to the New Directions, meet you in the green room?" he said before he moved through the crowd. He had seen most of the new directions still in the foyer and that was where he found Kurt, talking to Rachel by the counter.  
"Kurt, they're calling places" he said before giving a small wave to Rachel as he put his hand on Kurt's back. He felt the nerves weigh heavily on his stomach, he felt sick as he smelled the food being cooked by the kitchen. He swallowed thickly, walking quickly with Kurt to get away from that smell that made his stomach rumble and ache.

They stood to the side, watching the Hipsters, Blaine was with Kurt, his hand running through his hair as he watched. He felt his body shake slightly, he was used to stage fright but this was different. This was far more intense. "Blaine, are you okay?" he heard Kurt's voice like it came from far away and he nodded, swallowing again,  
"Of course." He said but took the water Wes gave him, trying not to throw up as the water moved down his throat. This had never happened to him before and he had no idea what to do. He shook himself ready for the performance, ignoring the others around him sharing concerns before he led the group onto the stage. Blaine knew how to remove his focus from other people around him as he focussed on performing the song, grinning and performing the song ignoring the eyes on him from behind. They had nothing to worry about; he made sure to show that to them all. Unfortunately his body had other things in mind and as soon as he stepped onto the wings of the stage, he fell against Trent who just about caught him,  
"Blaine? Blaine!"

**Kurt's PoV**

When Blaine keeled over, the Warblers assembled around him. They took him back to the green room, thankful that the New Directions were entering from the other side of the stage. Wes went to get water and some food whilst Kurt sat beside Blaine. His eyes took in the boy, he couldn't help but see how his cheekbones stuck out, how his collarbone acted like a hanger on his blazer. He saw how Blaine's skin seemed almost yellow and tired and sighed, gently stroking back his hair as he watched him. Blaine's lips seemed dry and he brought his hand away from Blaine's hair and then frowned as he noticed some of the black hairs came out in his hand. He stood up and moved to the side, taking a deep breath, He had had his suspicions for a while but this made it all too real. Kurt had to do something.

"Mm… what happened?" came a murmur from behind them. He moved back over to Blaine who was only half conscious, his eyes squinting against the light,  
"You passed out, Blaine." Kurt said, trying to keep the judging tone from his voice but it was hard,  
"W-when?" Blaine asked, quietly,  
"After we performed. We're getting you help. But first, I'm going to go and support my friends," he said, taking a deep breath before he turned on his heel and moved back to the auditorium to watch the New Directions. Before the end of the performance he was joined by the rest of the Warblers, Blaine leaned towards him as he took his seat,  
"Kurt I…"  
"Not now." Kurt said, softly, putting a hand on his arm to assure him that he wasn't mad, he just wanted to enjoy his friends' performance. He had to have a conversation with Blaine that Blaine wasn't going to be happy about and it wasn't something he could have whilst watching the New Directions sing.

It wasn't until they were on the coach home, Kurt sat in the back with Blaine, making sure he drank water, no matter how much he protested he wasn't thirsty. That Kurt found the words he wanted to share with Blaine and he cleared this throat, taking Blaine's hand,  
"Blaine… we're friends right?" he asked softly and Blaine nodded sleepily, he still seemed very out of it. Kurt stroked his hands, "You trust me, don't you?"  
"Mm… of course." Blaine turned to him, "Us Warblers trust each other completely." Kurt took a deep breath,  
"I think you need to see someone, Blaine…" he said, softly, his eyes on the top of Blaine's head. Blaine stiffened slightly,  
"What do you mean?" he asked, carefully. Kurt sighed gently,  
"Blaine. I think you have Anorexia."


	6. Baby It's Cold Outside

**Chapter Five: Baby its cold outside**

_**Kurt's just trying to freak you out. You know he's only jealous because you get all the lead solos. And all the girls and guys want to be with you. You're the heartthrob of the group and he doesn't like that he isn't getting attention. He keeps wanting to stand out and be the leader, if he got you doubting yourself and freaking out then he could take charge.**_

_Kurt's not like that. He's just concerned for you. He isn't trying to freak you out and he may actually be right…_

_**What? Only girls get anorexia, he's insulting your masculinity by even considering that you have anorexia. You just have self control when it comes to food**_

_Guys can get anorexia… _

_**Whatever. Just because you have a crush on him. You always have to see the good in people… he's just trying to get to you. You should trust your own judgement when it comes to your health. **_

_I guess you're right…_

_**I'm always right. I'm you remember? **_

"Excuse me?" Blaine managed to find his voice, he had spent the last few minutes stuck between thoughts. He had only known Blaine a couple of weeks and the guy had the audacity to try and diagnose him? He didn't even know him!  
"I… I think you have…" Kurt obviously heard the offended tone, "anorexia…" the last word was quiet and timid. Blaine took a sharp intake of breath,  
"Oh really? Are you a professional?" Blaine asked, sharply, causing Kurt to wince. _Maybe he is genuinely worried… __**He's a performer, don't start doubting yourself. **_"I didn't think so." Blaine said, tearing his eyes away so he didn't have to see his face and he stood up, moving further forward in the coach to sit beside Trent. Trent barely looked at him, his eyes focussed to gaze outside the window but Blaine didn't try to engage him in conversation. He laid his head back against the headrest, his energy dropping again and he closed his eyes.

_**You're not even skinny enough to be anorexic. **_

_I guess not. But I did collapse_

_**That could be anything, the stage was hot and you were stressed. Nothing to do with food. **_

_I suppose. _

_**I mean… you can feel the second chin right now, can't you? As your head falls? **_

_I… _

_**And your stomach is probably sticking out under your shirt**_

_Stop it…_

_**What, can't you take the truth? Kurt's far skinnier than you, who's he to talk? **_

_I said stop it_

_**Stop what? Like I said before, these are your thoughts. This is the truth that you are trying to fight.**_

Christmas. The one time of year he may be able to see his parents and the one time of year Blaine just wanted to be left alone. He loved the songs in the air and he was far from a scrooge but he hated how his parents would just pretend. He remembered last Christmas around the table, it had been a ready cooked turkey dish with a few sprouts, potatoes and gravy. He and Cooper talked and pulled crackers whilst his parents were forever glancing to their phones in case work called. This year, he was worried Cooper wouldn't turn up, he had seen all the adverts with his brother's grinning face – he probably had some girl back in LA to spend Christmas with or maybe some Christmas parties. If Cooper didn't come back, however, it was hardly likely his parents would make much of an effort to create Christmas for their workaholic 'antisocial' son. He had already auditioned for several Christmas shows, and just before he finished at Dalton for Christmas, he had heard back from the Kings Island Christmas Spectacular.

It had been a few weeks since Sectionals and he had avoided Kurt as much as he could, only seeing him at Warbler practises and he had started coming late so they just jumped into rehearsing rather than having time to talk about anything. He was trying to avoid thinking about why he was avoiding Kurt, if Kurt had been wrong with his assessment then it would be Kurt that feels awkward –right? Blaine tried not to think of the alternative, as much as he wanted to believe Kurt and work with Kurt, his mind was telling him he was wrong. He would know if he had Anorexia, right? Anyway, after hearing about the spectacular (and seeing the girl he would have to perform with) he knew he couldn't avoid Kurt any longer. He was beginning to miss spending quality time with him and Christmas was supposed to be a time of forgiveness. So, he went looking for him.

It was strange, being the one to interrupt someone else studying rather than being the one to be interrupted. He bit his lip as he watched him a moment, wondering if he had missed him or if he was happy that he managed to make Blaine doubt himself. He took a deep breath, put on a smile and then carried in his CD player. Kurt jumped slightly, looking up from his book, his glance moving from Blaine to the player and then back, "Oh… you scared me." Blaine gave a small smile, some part of him happy to see that Kurt had withdrawn himself again after speculating such a thing before but he wasn't going to make Kurt feel worse. As he was in a relatively good mood, he decided to relax a bit, "Good… because I'm Marley's ghost… and I'm here to tell you to stop studying so hard," Blaine said, moving closer and gesturing to the books. Christmas wasn't a bad time, he loved the holiday itself, just at his house it felt fake and he'd prefer if they just pretended it was a normal day whilst he watched 'It's a wonderful life' by himself in his room.  
"Oh really? Whats with the boombox? Going to put on a show for me?" Kurt teased, seeming to relax a bit, which made Blaine grin,  
"Well, actually… I was hoping you'd sing with me. I need to rehearse…" he waited for Kurt to ask him why just with a look before he explained, "I'm singing 'Baby it's Cold Outside' for the Kings Island spectacular." Kurt's face lit up,  
"Oh, it's a personal favourite, but they would never let us sing it together… as two artists I mean." Kurt's stammering was lost on Blaine, who found it hard to believe Kurt would ever be interested in him and Blaine nodded,  
"Will you sing it with me now?" He waited for Kurt to nod before turning on the music and waiting for Kurt to start.

Singing with Kurt was something Blaine did enjoy. He liked singing with all of the Warblers but there was a chemistry when they performed that he couldn't explain (because he wouldn't let himself believe Kurt liked him) so he felt that if he rehearsed with Kurt, who also had the range of the female part of the song, he would feel a lot more confident before the show. What also helped was when they finished, he received a smile and Kurt told him,  
"I think you're ready." Blaine smiled appreciatively and nodded before deciding to send a compliment back,  
"Well, for the record, you are much better than that girl's going to be," Blaine said, he was being truthful too and wished it could be Kurt he was singing with. As much as he was wary that Kurt may continue trying to get him to admit he has something he doesn't, he knew he sounded better with Kurt and he was a perfectionist. He didn't say much else, unable to find the words that sounded right and, thankfully, he was prevented from having to say anything as Mr Schuester came in to talk to Kurt. Relieved, he greeted Kurt's former glee director and headed out, taking a deep breath when he was outside the door.

_**See, if he was REALLY worried, he would've said something. **_

Cooper arrived on the 22nd of December, Blaine had gone to the airport with his father to greet him. It was strange, his father had left his work phone at home, bringing his 'family' cell phone with him in case Cooper or his mother had any issues. Blaine was excited as they drove to the airport, the radio playing and his father actually seemed to smile. It was a wonderful feeling, Blaine was beginning to think that this Christmas would be the best Christmas ever. This feeling was only reinforced when he saw his older brother walking towards them, pulling a suitcase behind him and wearing his Hollywood smile,  
"Hey Squirt!" he called, moving to hug Blaine. Usually Blaine would reproach him for calling him that, but he was on such a high with how his morning had been he just laughed with him, "How've you been?" Cooper asked as he pulled away and ruffled his hair,  
"I've been great," Blaine said with a smile. It wasn't entirely true, but he was in such a good mood he didn't want to think of how he had really been. Cooper spent most of the journey home name dropping and talking about 'gigs' he had coming up. Blaine just smiled, listening to his brother; Cooper could be a bit of a jerk, but he forced the family to make an effort and around this time of the year it was all Blaine wanted -  
"So, Blaine, I heard that your glee club got to Sectionals," Cooper looked back towards his younger brother who had been demoted to the backseat of the car. Blaine nodded,  
"Yeah, we drew with the New Directions from McKinley." He said, smiling and Cooper nodded,  
"Drew huh? Why didn't you win?" Cooper asked, his tone casual but Blaine felt an attack.  
_**Yeah Blaine, why didn't you win? Because you let your team down. You didn't work hard enough  
**_"I… the New Directions were good…" Blaine managed to say, his mood slipping already.  
"Or you just weren't good enough," Cooper said, "Maybe I should drop by and give a master class-"  
"No." Blaine said, quickly, "That won't be necessary." Cooper just glanced at him before he glanced to their father who gave him a look that Blaine couldn't place. Was his father telling Cooper off? That never happened…

He didn't find out what it was until dinner. Blaine helped his mom set the table, keeping himself moving as he tried to focus his attention away from the smell of the food cooking whilst avoiding talking to his brother. He loved Cooper, but the man seemed to go out of his way to make him feel bad about himself. He had enough of that in his head now, telling him that:  
_**You haven't done any running today, you haven't rehearsed, worked out or anything… and now you're going to eat all that? Do you WANT to become obese? Do you WANT to lose to the New Directions at regionals?  
**_He shook himself, setting out the crackers and pouring out the drinks as he tried to prepare himself for the meal and before he knew it he was sat with a full plate of food with his family around him. It didn't take him long until he realised his family were watching him eat – or rather, play with his food.  
"Is it okay, Blaine?" his mother asked, an edge to her voice which made him think she was waiting for a specific answer. He nodded,  
"Yes… just wondering where to start," he set a smile on his face as he cut up a potato and speared it with his fork. He licked his lips, taking a deep breath and raised the fork towards his mouth but then he froze. He could see the grease shining through the yellow, the heavy gravy fell off the other side. His stomach seemed to grow just looking at it and his breathing became heavy and his family were still watching him. "Is… everything okay?" he asked, placing down his fork, feeling sweat begin to fall from his hairline and run down his cheek.  
"Blaine… your headmaster called us…." His father started,  
"Yes… we only got the message the other week…" his mother joined in, "Someone has expressed concern to him that you have… an eating disorder." Blaine gritted his teeth,  
"That's not true." He picked up the fork and took the potato in one bite and chewed the food quickly before swallowing it. He looked between them before his face fell as the voice came back and he pushed back and headed to the bathroom.

When he came out, he wanted to head straight to his room, but he was commandeered by his brother, who grabbed his arm and then held him at arms length and crouched to reach eye contact. "I heard it." He whispered, there was something in his face Blaine hadn't seen in a long time. Concern? But still, Blaine couldn't bring himself to help him,  
"Heard what? Lemme go…" he tried to struggle against his grip but it was no use, he was too weak,  
"You made yourself sick. You ate half a potato, for pete's sake! What happened?" he asked. Blaine tensed,  
"It was the stress, everyone looking at me. I don't have an eating disorder! I may be gay but it doesn't make me a girl –" he started,  
"Don't give me that crap, Blaine. You know I have always seen you as a brother, gay or not, so this isn't about gender. We're going to get you help. I thought the folks were making a big deal but I guess not." Blaine glared at him before Cooper continued, "We're going to get you help." Then suddenly, Blaine spoke,  
"What if I don't want help? What if I'm not good enough yet?" Blaine asked, and smirked proudly as Cooper was left speechless.


	7. Need You Now

**A/N: Specific warning for a brief mention of self harm in this chapter. This was quite emotional, as a former sufferer of an eating disorder, I feel I should stress here that what Blaine experiences isn't what every sufferer experiences. Thank you for your follows and reviews, they are much appreciated**

**Chapter six: Need you now**

Kurt had felt bad, when he told Mr Schuester what had happened after sectionals, and how he had broken down as he debated what could he do. He barely knew Blaine, he knew that was true, but that didn't stop him falling for him, that didn't stop him worrying that he may never get the chance to be with Blaine because he may not live to see it. It terrified him when he spoke to his home room teacher, asking what the process was. He couldn't bring himself to confront Blaine again after how he reacted last time… but he couldn't just let him starve himself to death. He was passed on to the headmaster who then called the Andersons. Kurt spent the holidays on edge, prepared for his phone to ring and for Blaine to confront him. But as the days went by, he was beginning to think Blaine was giving him the silent treatment… or maybe his parents hadn't said anything. He had assumed his parents weren't around much, if only because surely they would have noticed something was wrong. It wasn't until Christmas Day that he received a text message from him.

**Blaine:** I can't believe you told the headmaster of Dalton

**Kurt:** Blaine, I'm only trying to help… You could kill yourself

**Blaine:** I haven't got Anorexia. And now my parents are talking about therapy and stuff I don't need.

**Kurt:** You do need help!

**Blaine: **No I don't. Now butt out of my life.

**Kurt: **Blaine please don't do this…

Kurt didn't get another reply after that. He found it hard to stay in the Christmas spirit and instead just felt like George Bailey when he was standing on the bridge. He felt so helpless, worrying about Blaine, wondering if he had done something wrong? It didn't take long for him to realise his father was watching him over the table, but because Carole and Finn were busy keeping up the Christmas spirit, they couldn't talk. When the food was eaten, Burt offered himself and Kurt to wash up so Carole could relax after cooking and Finn could recover from eating so much, but as soon as they were in the kitchen, Burt turned to him,  
"Kurt, I know that look. What's on your mind?" he asked, leaning against the counter. Kurt was busy looking at his hands as he washed up the dishes,  
"This guy at school…" Kurt started, carefully. He knew his father was supportive of him, but that didn't mean he wanted to hear him pine after a guy from school. Burt nodded and Kurt noted a shift in his facial expression from his peripheral vision but he wasn't sure how to read it so he continued, "He's really nice… and… well he's gay… and…"  
"You like him?" Burt always knew how to get to the point. Kurt nodded,  
"But that's not it…" Kurt sighed, placing a plate on the side to dry before he took a deep breath, "I… I think he… I think he's ill…" he took a deep breath before he shared his thoughts with Burt, explaining how he had spoken to Mr Schuester and the headmaster of Dalton and now he was debating if he did the right thing. Burt nodded along slowly, at some points Kurt was sure Burt wanted to make a comment but wasn't sure if it was politically correct,  
"Well… I think you did the right thing… if he does have anorexia… then he isn't thinking straight. When he recovers… he'll thank you, I'm sure." Burt said and squeezed his shoulder. Kurt sighed and nodded,  
"If he recovers…"

**Blaine's PoV  
**When School started again, Blaine was anxious to get back into a pattern. Cooper had stayed to help him, and had seriously hindered some of his progress, when Blaine tried to rehearse into the night, Cooper made sure he had a sandwich at dinner. It caused a huge rift and arguments between the pair, especially since one day Cooper tried to force feed him a chocolate bar. Blaine was starting to learn how to avoid it, making sure he was out of the house early and he did more rehearsing out of the house. But then, he could no longer rehearse at Dalton without someone watching him. On his first day back at school, he was called into the Headmaster's office. He hadn't been there since his first day at the school and it was daunting, being sat outside for so long. His leg bounced as he watched the clock, this was cutting into a Warbler meeting and he felt agitated, he was going to fall behind he just knew it.

He rubbed his arm, the singing from his punishment last night subsiding. He had sneaked out of his room at 2 am (Cooper had fallen asleep in a chair outside his room) and had moved to the bathroom. He slipped the scales from the cupboard and stepped onto them. His eyes avoided glancing down for a while, looking in the mirror in front. _Come on Blaine. They're just numbers it's no big deal. _He noted how tired he looked, but he had to sit up and wait for Cooper to fall asleep… after a few moments, he glanced down at the number and felt his stomach drop. _53kg. _He had gained back the kilos he had worked so hard to lose. He packed it all away and slipped into the bedroom. Before he could really figure out what he was doing, he had a stinging cut over his wrist. Slowly, the blood came to the surface and there was a thrill of adrenaline as he watched it. He wrapped it up and wrapped up the scissors before placing them in a box under his bed and went to sleep, biting his lip as he allowed himself to feel something.

"Mr Anderson?" the headmaster's voice brought him back to the present, "Please come in," Blaine nodded and he stood up, moving into the room. His jaw dropped when he saw who else was in there, his eyes were first drawn to Kurt and he was about to confront him when he saw Wes behind him, and Nick and Jeff and Trent and all of the other Warblers,  
"You guys… what are you doing here?" he whispered. Wes stepped forward,  
"Kurt was the bravest and tried to help you when we just sat back afraid… but not anymore. Warblers stick together and we want you to know… we're here for you." He said and squeezed his shoulder as Trent then stepped forward,  
"We've been worried about you for a long time and… we want to give you a performance to remind you of that…" He glanced to Kurt who nodded and helped escort him to the chair before they all surrounded him.

_Made a wrong turn  
Once or twice  
Dug my way out  
Blood and fire  
Bad decisions  
That's alright  
Welcome to my silly life  
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood  
Miss "no way it's all good"  
It didn't slow me down  
Mistaken  
Always second guessing  
Underestimated  
Look, I'm still around…_

_Pretty, pretty please  
Don't you ever, ever feel  
Like you're less than  
Less than perfect  
Pretty, pretty please  
If you ever, ever feel  
Like you're nothing  
You are perfect to me_

_You're so mean  
When you talk  
About yourself  
You are wrong  
Change the voices  
In your head  
Make them like you  
Instead  
So complicated  
Look how big you'll make it  
Filled with so much hatred  
Such a tired game  
It's enough  
I've done all i can think of  
Chased down all my demons  
see you same_

_Pretty, pretty please  
Don't you ever, ever feel  
Like you're less than  
Less than perfect  
Pretty, pretty please  
If you ever, ever feel  
Like you're nothing  
You are perfect to me_

_The whole world stares while i swallow the fear  
The only thing i should be drinking is an ice cold beer  
So cool in lying and I tried tried tried  
But we try too hard, it's a waste of my time  
Done looking for the critics, cuz they're everywhere  
They don't like my jeans, they don't get my hair  
Change ourselves and we do it all the time  
Why do we do that?  
Why do I do that?  
Why do I do that?_

_Ooh, pretty pretty pretty,  
Pretty pretty please don't you ever ever feel  
Like you're less than  
Less than perfect  
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel  
Like you're nothing  
You are perfect, to me  
You're perfect  
You're perfect  
Pretty, pretty please don't you ever ever feel  
like you're less then, less than perfect  
Pretty, pretty please if you ever ever feel  
like you're nothing you are perfect to me_

Blaine didn't realise he was crying until Kurt had pulled him into a hug. He gripped onto him, the tears just overflowed and he had no idea where they were coming from,  
"We're here for you, Blaine…" Kurt whispered and Blaine let out a sob, gripping onto his blazer tightly as years of emotions overflowed.

The Warblers were sent to class shortly, Blaine was given a chance to compose himself, during which the Headmaster offered him some leaflets, "These are for help groups… especially targeted towards young men…" Blaine nodded, sniffing as he took them, "The Warblers and I have discussed that… if you attend some help groups… you can keep your place on the Warblers where they will support your recovery, however if you don't try… they may have to remove you for your own health." Blaine took in a large breath, he had been so blind but he wasn't sure he was in need of therapy… but if his place in the Warblers was questioned… then he had no choice,  
"I'll go." he said.


End file.
